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celeritious:

you deserve someone who isn’t embarrassed to love you and tells all their friends about you and saves your selfies, whether they’re good or bad to look at when they miss you and loses sleep to talk to you and tells you how much they love you and how beautiful you are all the time and i really hope you find that one day because you deserve to be loved

(via defekait)

The Offer Is Sub-Standard

(The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

(By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

(I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

(He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRight.com!:

"Every introvert alive knows the exquisite pleasure of stepping from the clamor of a party into the bathroom and closing the door."

- Sophia Dembling - The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World   (via copeleyreilly)

(via the-blue-october)

pantheraj:

"HELLO INFANT I AM BELUGA WHALE"

"YOU ALSO ARE BALD AND HAVE A BULBOUS FOREHEAD. LET US BE FRIENDS FORTHWITH."

Am I the only one that understands that HE’S TRYING TO EAT THE FUCKING BABY!

(via defekait)

(via defekait)

kelekelo:

every class is art class if you dont care enough

(via daichi-the-entertainer)

russellstyles:

slip, slidin’ away…..

The Ex (Canadian National Exhibition), from the top of Euroslide, Lakeshore, Toronto.

thou-creamfaced-loon:

the thing about “you look bored, i’ll give you something to do” is that customers genuinely seem to think that scanning a few items and putting them in a bag will make me less bored

my job is fucking boring regardless of how busy it is. you’re not funny. go home

(via cashierstruggles)

ericscissorhands:

"You know, the three of us have been living on the edge way too long. When we’re not running from the police, we’re fending off some costumed whack-job. Gotham is worse than ever. That gives us a choice — we can get out, or band together.” - Catwoman

(via harleeeyquinn)